Today it became very clear that i am not the typical female; after years of wondering why i do things in reverse, feel the wrong emotions and search for the things people try to lose, it all started to make sense.
I have received two i love you's from two different guys in two days. Not sure if i have broken any records, but in my life it was a shock. I am the girl that runs from commitment not the one that allows two guys to fall in love with her.
Just to clarify, i am not sleeping with either of them at the present moment, this "love" developed out of friendship/dating.
But the dilema is, and the reason for my anxiety and upset tonight is, that i need to chose. But how do you chose when you don't know what you want?
I have been in love once and in all honesty i am still in love with someone that doesn't love me back. I have loved this man for nearly six years and i think it is about time i moved on but how do you turn the feelings off? or better yet how do you turn them back on again after you've turned them off?
I feel like i am being dishonest, not being up front with the fact that i am not in love with either of them and doubt hangs in the air whether i ever will be able to love them.
I am not good at lying so i have just avoided telling the truth. Lies eat you up inside and i don't think i can carry on this sherade any more.
I never wanted this to happen, i was fine living life alone, busy with uni, work and seeing my friends and family.
Why can't i just roll with the punches?
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